Wednesday, February 06, 2008

What do you think about my decision????


Here's the story about my most recent love story. For those who are new, consider this as a lesson.

I met her around 2 yrs and 6 months ago. One of my friends which turned out to be one of her friend, gave her my email add. We added each other and we chatted... First as strangers... After that our friedship started to blossom and we got to be good friends... But we both knew, we were chatting for some reason.. I always kept telling her that i won't be her boyfriend unless i met her face to face... not because i go with a persons appearance, but with her real attitudes and behaviour.. We chatted for more than 6 months.. Sometimes she called me to my home phone... even msged me.. She always tells me that she loves me.. But I couldn't beleive that someone can fall in love without seeing in person... So I didn't believe that and I always said that I also like her but I don't love her.. and that, I wont say I won't love her either..

Almost after 06 months, she came to Sri Lanka.. I went to meet her for the first time in person. I had no words to say. For me she was gorgeous. But I knew it wont be easy for me to fall in love with her… Coz even then, I loved my first love.. One beautiful day, I invited her to my place. We talked and talked... I told her what I want, what I like, who I am, so on.. After telling everything about me and almost my love history, I proposed her and she said YES.. Two days later, she flew back to Male'. The day she left, she cried over the phone, but I didnt feel a thing. Coz I wasn't in love with her..

Back from Male' she message me, but I cant reply for every single message she sent.. I knew she would be sad but I told her that from my past experience, I won't spend money for any girl... Specially not from my phone.. I told her everything.. and I told her we don't know each other then.. And It will take time... I believe I was not good for her.. I didn't care that much.. But she really cared me a lot.. called me always.. always messaged me, asked about me and what i was doing..

Months later, I went to Male' for holidays, I didnt go to her place everyday.. She complained and one of her cousin called me and talked me for more than an hour.. after that day I realised I was wrong.. she really loved me and I should care her if I wanted her to be my gf. Few days later, I came back to Sri Lanka.

As usual, I didn't send messages for her but she was calling me messaging me and we talked a lot.. But still I was not feeling any affection to her.. But somewhere within me, I always missed her.. But I don't know why I didn't care her..

On august 2007 I went to Male' and I gave her a little surprise… the following day I set off to My island… and after being in island for one week I came back to Male'.. But this time I spent more time with her and I really felt something to her..

Now here I am, back in Sri lanka... And now, I can say that I really love her.. Almost every night, I was telling my bestfriend's girlfriends to call her and tell her to call me... Sometimes she kept asking me why i suddenly changed. Why I kept telling her to call me. She knew I was different, and for the first time, i felt that i was in love with her. After nearly a year I was in a very tender and affectionate long-distance relationship with her.

She applied for a course from abroad. She got leave from her workplace and she wanted to come here to meet me.. But unfortunately for some reasons, she couldn't come.. Those days I was like mad to meet her. I tried all the possible ways to bring her. On the process, i almost lost a good friend. On January 3rd, she went abroad for her higher studies...

While she was at the airport, she sent me two messages. I didn't know it was going to be the last messages that I was ever going to get from her. One message said, "thnxs loabee. Kuda koh delay vehjje. Am bored here. Tc always ingey. Gona mis u. luv u. rgds 2 ibu n Salwa n her sis 2 :)" and the last message i got from her is, "nw n flight. abt 2 leave."

After two or three days I met her on msn and we talked, as usual.. I asked her to give me her number and she told me she will give the number later.. The reasons she said was that her brother was using her number. She said she will send me the number as soon as her brother leave on 11th of January... I waited, waited and waited. 11, 12 and 13 gone. No message from her. I kept sending offline messages to her from msn.. No luck... I asked from her sis and cousin sis.. and they told they don't have her number.. They said if they got it, they would give me. But still no news and on 18th I sent her a mail. Asking where she was and about her...

On 19th night I got a reply from her. I was happy for a moment, but i couldnt beleive what I saw then. She dumped me with a damn email. The reason was i didnt care her the way she wanted. I had to accept the truth and sent her a reply. What a great way to end a relationship. She started it over internet and she ended it over internet. When she knew that i didnt even love her or cared her then, she was dying for me. When i started to care about her, she broke-up with me saying that i didnt care her before.

Somehow I got her number.. I called her.. but she cut the phone.. I dunno how many times i dialled her. I messaged her but no reply and I begged her to unblock me from messenger and talk me only once.. She unblocked me...

She told me that she doesn't love me because of me... she said that she was going to tell that for a long time.. but she had no guts to tell that over the phone.. I asked her if she was thinkin for so long about breaking up, why she was trying to come to meet me last December.. she said she wanted to end our relationship staying face to face with me.. I coudn't absorb the fact that if she was telling the truth. While she was unable to say that over the phone, how can she say it in front of me???? What was all that in her blog??? i was left with so many questions... i came to knw from her that she was in anger that nobody from her family called her for more than a week. Maybe that was the reason she took the decision.

Anyways I promised her I won't try to contact her.. Just because she was asking me how I got her number. She also said that if she knew who gave me her number, she wouldn't talk to that person. For something I did, she doesn't have to be angry with others. I didn't want that to happen. Though I wanted to call her, I made a promise so i don't want to break my promise.. all these days I was waiting for a sign, coz her sis and cousin told me that they will talk her. When she realises that she was wrong, she will come back to me.. But how can I stay like this??? Coz I loved her.. I was hurt.. I cant concentrate on other things.. Always always keep thinking about her.. And yesterday, whole day I was in my room, alone.. coz I didn't want to show my face to anyone..

Just then, I thought to be strong and face the truth. Completely erase her from my mind. If she really loved me she wouldn't have done that to me. So now I believe that she lied to me.. She used me for her time pass, just like the other girls i bumped into.. And Now I hate her.. Why did she make the first move? Why did she give me so many compliments? Now I don't even want to hear her name... But I thank her family, specially her sis and cousin who was very helpful for me and kind. I'm sorry to break this to them, but still, I posses a heart of flesh. Yeah from today I took my final decision… I won't wait for her and waste my precious time as i wasted two whole years. For the first time, i want to live my life for me. I also have a right to choose what's good for me and what's not. Now I realise that I was to easy to play with. I don't want it to be that way. Not anymore!!!
Pic taken from deviantart

12 comments:

appy said...

i still cnt belive it. u chnged so much for her n thn....
But this is life, it will show us diferent colors v jst hav t accept it. I wish u all the bst n a happy life fr u.

XefroX said...

at first i tot this wud be boring since its too long..but..as i started reading it became interesting...
About this yes u have taken a gr8 decision. Firstly dont expect anyone to be same..They will change and will go beyond expectations too...soo

nothing more to say...

after readin this i went through you blog archive and it make more detail...cheeers mate..tc

"life is too short to hate people"

streetfigher said...

i salute u, my buddy.
thats typical of them. B a man and get over it.
we won't be there for them wen they got screwed n dumped by assholes....cheers!

thewildhunter said...

Thnx appy, xefrox and streetfigher

nadhee said...

well dear, you've taken the right decision. Juss be strong and move on with ur life. Life's to short to sit and wait for someone to come back....enjoy life while you can..hugx!

thewildhunter said...

Thnx Nadhymaththaaa :D:D

Iboo said...

i always had a feeling that ur relationship was nt right... I remember telling u at first also, that there was something fishy about this... i can see that now... anyways, leave it behind and move on with life... past is dead, u cant bring it bak, live for the future and make it better...

Djpata said...

heyy broo dis a damnn storry mann i neva eva expected to read smething like this from a friend like u:s most people always point on us(boiz) cz they giving up with galz etc etc bt see nw wht happen and most of da tym this will happen to everyone:( u'll get through bro for get da past live in ur future;) we r always wit u 4 nything...kit..we'll meet asap;):D

Glorious said...

I know I am not the right person to give you advice on this coz I am also in a same situation. But I can remember that You told me "life is life and things like this keeps on happening so not to worry and think forward. May be things hidden in our future is too exciting and wonderful" So thats What I have to tell you too. I am really sad about what had happened.As people says things happens for good. The old saying goes that "God will never close a door without opening another" One way or the other your
luck is on the way to sail in your habour.So don't worry and look forward.Insha Allah things would be much better than this. Much much more better.

thewildhunter said...

Thnx Iboo, djpata and Glorious

cyberkid said...

Dude, I've been so busy that i didnt even get a chance to read your blog. But wen i heard, immediately i read this and what can i say...

Just leave it all behind and walk forwad.

Theres this saying I'm trying to remember...

it goes like ...

" There's no room for the future to grow if you live with the past "

Its not the exact words but hope its meanin heals some part of ur wound. Just think like this, there are people leading more tragic lives than you...Example me, i cant find any way out of homework ;)

thewildhunter said...

cyberkid: Yeah we should forget our past for our future.. Btw THNX